Almost 16 months...

I have actually stopped blogging for 16 months. Nothing much have changed. I'm still the same old me... The only things that have changed was some of my perspective towards life and my job. To a new sector which I was really against going in. Well, I still went ahead for the new challenge and see how far I can survive in this fake world.

Time really flies fast... shall update more in time to come....

Good answer!

Tsk tsk...

As usual this morning, my dog whined and barked as Ce and I left the house. While in the lift, I asked Ce a question...

Me: Why can't Sam stop barking when we leave the house?

Ce: He's a dog.

This is good enough to shut me up immediately and at the same time I was amused by her answer. She got my thinking cap on. It's such a simple answer and on other hand I have to think so deep. I feel as tho I'm asking a stupid /silly question.

Well, children are just so clean, clear cut and direct with their answers. There's no beat around the bush issues or the need to even think deep into why you asking me such a questions. It really beats better to be a kid rather than an adult. How I wished the time would just stop there and let me have all the laughs I want.

Ce's answers to my questions always left me amused, rofl and more stomach ranching giggles. Let me give another one. A few weeks ago, I asked her what shall we have for dinner and so on. I also called the man and asked what he would like.

Me: Daddy says kfc for dinner, ok?
Ce: No, tell daddy say mei mei (妹妹) say no.
Me: Like that also can ah?
Ce: Of course! (smiles happily to herself)

I burst out laughing in the midst of the crowd. That's a 6 yr old kid's reply. ROFL!!

Ewe ~ trembling wheezing

It really suxs when my lungs decided to go on strike these few days. From mild sniffs to the maxi sniffs. I was literally deprived of O2 and beauty sleep!! My fish brains can't work well. Not at this time manz... it's gonna affect my work and play time with my kids.

Officially declared by doc that I have "full blown" symptoms of asthma. That includes ectopic eczema. Every now and then certain area of my body will popped up with pin-heads like prick and the itch is there. The patch will be like burning hot. Sometimes I wonder if the patches causes my body temp to raise like nobody business.

Now the purple pump is being left isolated somewhere in the bag. I have to ensure that the blue one is always with me. It really gets on my nerve system when it attacks. At times, I can't even differentiate whether am I wheezing or was it my anxiety or both.. ~.~"

Budget = No budget = low birth rate

Budget is what? And the productivity is refering to what exactly? With the kind of working hours Singaporeans work, any kind of productivity levels will drop. To be honest, I everyday on budget. This budget will not help much. Most of the help is not from gov but from voluntary welfares and centres if you agree.

The way i looked at budget is probably meant for the rich to become richer and the poor to become poorer. Ever since budget started, i dun see average human beings more smarter, richer or even fend enough for themselves. They just got worst than ever. Not to mention abt the cost of living.

Make babies, you look at those ppl serving or regulars in army, u think they have time for making babies? Everyday on the ball for 12 hours, by the time they are home is to catch up on their sleep, not families nor anything else. With more women in the working force, they are more stress to task themselves to finish their work rather than make babies. Most will rather have more money to secure themselves in this kind of economic downturn rather than spend money on birth and taking care of kids.

Education, in order to have a better salary, one has to constantly upgrade themselves. After work, go for class, by the time they are home is time for bed and prepare for the next morning to work. So tell me how to have higher birth rate and the so call pro family creations...

Dun tell me it's a matter of time management. How much time do we have a day? 3/4 of the time we have sacrifice for work and the rest of the time to rest in order not to fall sick. Cos sick is also another cost of living that is a killing factor.

With more FW vying for jobs in SG and with their salary expectation so low, it will only pull Singaporeans' salary even lower. Dun forget the exchange rate. When they exchange our currencies to theirs, they can be rich enough to build their own homes. We are still struggling just to feed ourselves and our families, let alone say a home.

My conclusion of being a human is equal to nothing but liability of cost and burden. Unless u can strike toto/ big sweep first prize every now and then. But chances and likelyhood of that is probably zero. So why do i bother myself with the budget and everything? Take it easy lah... it's all their says anyway. Wait we say more kena pants drop then jia lat... best is to just shut up. Cos so far i hasnt heard or seen anything that a commoner says will affect the whole budget nor any changes will occurred. Bleh...

What's going on?

This blur princess here doesn't know what's going's on. He always mentioned events that are almost past over. I want to attend but he assumes that I don't want. He's scared of the nagging session but that does not mean i am too. I wants to make things work but he think otherwise cos he has nothing to tok (not to me but others). He didnt even bother to set the records right in the first place.

Everything is all about him lately. I'm no longer in the picture. Or was I too sensitive. I would rather they tell me or him that they dun like me, or just want me out of the picture. (我现在是一头“误”水了。) He's most willingly to be casted out together with me, but that's not what I want. Some people cannot accept who am I or my status but he's different, he belongs to the family. No matter what he does, what he had done, he still belongs there. I just feel wierd like an odd ball... no matter how hard I want to try, he blocks me.

Perhaps something was said but he do not wished to tell me fearing that will hurt me. Or was it something else that I didnt know. I may not be good at expressing myself in front of people I dunno too well but i'm willing to try.

It's so hard to have a normal family. There's so much things I want to say but so hard to put in words. Scared of rejection.

I missed my Dad dearly, Dad's the only one standing, supporting and assuring me when i'm down and out but now Dad's gone. I have to learn to stand on my own. Honestly, I just can't accept the fact Dad's gone. It's been a year and yes, I've yet to overcome my grief. Each time I think of Dad, my tears dropped. Each time I mentioned abt my Dad, my voice will just turn chocky..

I dun understand y ppl have a family and they just dun treasure. If only I can do more... if only i was informed of any events in the first place... guess i wasnt treated part of them anymore...

HIHI

okie, i know it;s been some time since i blog, there so much things i want to say or voice out but i know certain thing can be said, certain things i cant.

this classmate aka grp mate of mine sent me this song via the msn some time ago which i really want to hug n thank him. a kind of song that i like to listen.

there's so aplenty in my heart of which i cant rely or say it out. i'm no longer that big baby that i wished i could be....

ALL I WANT TO SAY IS THAT THAT I WANT TO BE INDEPENDANT! I MUST AND I WILL DO IT ~ THE "DOLPHINE WAY"!!!

Struggling is tiring...

I have been struggling lately. Struggling wif decisions on home, work and study. Tho it's a good thing to be so busy that it does take off my mind a few things. However, it reaches a point that gets me all frustrated.

At times I'm so tired that I wished I could just drop dead and die like that but I know I can't. I have two other mouth to feed. I know whatever decision I make, he will only respect. I dun dare to ask for his opinion anymore cos I know whatever he said is not be helping at all especially after wat happened yesterday. Some things I'm not good at puting it down but still I have to come to terms with it. I keep telling and "psychoing" myself that these are my own sets of issues / problems not others. Only I can help myself and no one else can. After my dip, I dun think I would want to go for degree tho I would love to.. but then again, I have no other help. Who's gonna tend to the kids while i'm in class? I can't possibly ask my friends for help. They also have their own families to take care.

While he do help at times but limited. I understand his job scope is more tedious than mine. Most of the time he's either at work or sleeping... how do I entrust things to him? Things just dun worked when we tok abt the issues and stuffs. He just won't believe it and in the end i was the one bearing the brut. It was not his fault tho... but I have oreadi highlighted long long ago... he keep saying it will worked out.. but it didnt.... “他说会帮我但有些还是没对线。” As much as he tried but it was his job that tied him down which i have predicted as much initially. Y he just won't believe me.

At times I envy those who have families helping them. My case is all abt time management but even tho i can arrange my time, my main concern is who gonna tend to the kids if I'm away... They are still too young to be left at home by themselves. The choice is upgrade when i'm in my forties... bleah...